Stimuli: "kick ass 'tude", bubblegum purple, stapler
Yeah, I got lazy and didn't end it :P But I drew a picture!
I’m the best there is at stapler racing.
You mightn’t think there’s much of a market in the sport, but you’d be surprised. The Stapler Racer underground movement is huge. Full of the most badass, tattooed, unpleasant individuals you can imagine; seventy-eight point four five of whom are beyond hideous. You need a real kick-ass ‘tude to deal with them uglies.
Which I have. Yes.
And I am the best of all them Stapler Racers. Not to mention the most attractive. Yessir, me and my electric-blue stapler, with my bubblegum-purple cap drawn dramatically low over my eyes, we win every race.
Because I’m the best there is.